Seeking Freelance Parents

Tess Obenauf
6 min readMay 20, 2022

Unlimited demand, untapped potential — Needed immediately

Photo by Sergiu Vălenaș on Unsplash

You’re out there. I know you are. You can get absolutely anything on the internet these days, so why not Parents?

*Call Center phone rings and is answered. The buzzing of a voice comes through the receiver as the agent listens*

Thank you for calling! You’re a new parent? Well, then, the freelance parent you need is one who’s already learned the patience and value of cuddling and rocking the sick child. They know exactly how many band-aids are going to be needed for that pinprick you can’t see, but won’t relieve you of your child’s screams. There are thousands of them out there that have learned exactly what is needed to clean the vomit and diarrhea from the carpet. They know how to lay patiently with the fussy, irritated little toddler that can’t stand you to touch them because they are convinced you are the reason they just don’t feel right. It doesn’t matter that “feeling right” is something they take for granted until they don’t. Feel right, that is.

*Gentle buzz is heard from the receiver as the agent listens again*

Ah, so you have the preschooler and the kindergartener! Okay (confident chuckle). I can see how I mistook “new parent” for “new” parent. You have several. That’s a new skill set but we can plug that in. The parent you want is the one that has learned not to ask “why did you (fill in the blank)?” because there is no logic. These curious little tikes are simply experimenting in the world in the best way that works for them. Though, I”m required to add the disclaimer that what works for them is based on the value system you have been teaching them to believe in. If those pesky older siblings are controlling and demanding (as early grade schoolers often are) then your freelance parent needs to know how to model patience and loving firmness in talking those bundles of — oh boy! — off the emotional ledge that’s going to collapse at your feet. Your freelance parent will be able to drive their curiosity by asking silly questions to engage the imagination they have from their earlier years. The freelance parent will be able to trick them into picking up their toys and making choices and embracing boundaries. When all of that doesn’t work, they will be able to shrug it off and let the little warrior fret it out in…

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Tess Obenauf

Multifaceted Individual - Writer, Parent, Coach, Dreamer — “Be a voice, not a number!” LinkedIn/Facebook/Instagram: Tess Obenauf